The One Upper: Understanding ADHD Communication Styles

People with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) often experience the world in a uniquely fast-paced and dynamic way. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects focus, impulse control, and the regulation of emotions.

One of the ways ADHD can manifest in communication is through oversharing—talking in great detail or quickly jumping from one story to another. This can sometimes be misinterpreted by neurotypical individuals, who may view this behaviour as self-centred or competitive, as though the person with ADHD is trying to “one-up” them in conversation. For those without ADHD, it can be difficult to understand why someone would focus so much on their personal experiences, but for many with ADHD, it's simply their way of relating and connecting to others.

As someone with ADHD and a Specific Learning Disorder (SLD), I have often come away from conversations thinking, “Oops, I’ve overshared”, or worrying that the other person might think I’m weird. There have been many instances where I’ve replayed the conversation in my head, wondering if I’ve come across as self-absorbed or trying to top the other person’s story. These thoughts once led to feelings of shame and self-doubt, as I struggled to understand my own communication style. But over time, I’ve come to realise that this pattern of oversharing isn’t necessarily negative—it’s just how I connect with people. For me, sharing personal stories is a way to bond and engage, but it also often feels like my brain is racing ahead, eager to communicate everything I’m thinking and feeling.

The most important lesson I’ve learned in these moments is to offer myself compassion. ADHD can cause me to overshare, but that doesn’t mean I am wrong or flawed. It’s simply a part of how my mind works, and as long as I am mindful of the situation, I can recognise that my desire to connect isn’t about trying to outdo anyone. I’ve learned to embrace my tendency to overshare by owning it. Now, I often say, “I’m an oversharer—are you ready to hear my life story?” This not only adds humour to the situation, but it also allows me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I’ve learned to stop shaming myself for a behaviour that is part of who I am, and I’ve realised that my ADHD-driven way of connecting is just another aspect of being neurodivergent. It’s OK to embrace that and show myself the understanding and compassion I need.

For ADHD support, arrange your appointment at MindCare Clinics.